


I've Been Told I'm A Great Kisser

by Prettywitchiusaka



Category: Fullmetal Alchemist (Anime 2003), Fullmetal Alchemist - All Media Types
Genre: F/M, Humour, Jealousy, Seduction
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-10-03
Updated: 2017-10-03
Packaged: 2019-01-08 18:30:55
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,866
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12259776
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Prettywitchiusaka/pseuds/Prettywitchiusaka
Summary: Roy Mustang had found himself in sticky situations before, but nothing like this. A captured Ambassador, a peace negotiation with Drachma on the line, and himself in chains. Just how was he going to get out of this one?





	I've Been Told I'm A Great Kisser

" _Come on_ ," Roy Mustang cursed internally. It'd taken him only thirty minutes to carve this little transmutation circle into the handcuffs that were currently binding his wrists, so why was it taking him forever to carve in the last little line that he needed?

Though the more Roy thought about it, the more he realized it was probably frustration that was slowing him down. It made sense, really; he hadn't been expecting this to happen.

He'd work so hard to get this assignment, even beating out his superior, General Hakuro for the position, something he was quite proud of.

Of course, that was just icing on the cake. The real reward would actually be completing the mission; protecting the Amestris Ambassador during a peace conference in the neighbouring country of Drachma.

Not an easy task, to be sure, but the Colonel and his team were confident that they were up to the task. And besides, it would mean another job well done to add to his military record if things went smoothly.

And for the first little while, they did. Roy hit it off with the Ambassador and the negotiations were both hostile and tedious, but he'd counted on that.

What he didn't count on was a group of anarchistic rebels kidnapping both him, and the Ambassador to drive a further wedge between the two countries.

Of course, Roy was confident his men would come to rescue them. But in the meantime, he decided to at least try and get himself free, which is why he'd started carving a circle into the dark metal.

There was just one, tiny problem; there was a guard in the room with him. A young, buxom woman who appeared to be at least in her mid-twenties. Although you would never know that from the way she was dressed.

She looked like a teenager, with her long pigtails that went down to her shoulders. And that wasn't even counting the outfit she was wearing.

Red boobtop, a black miniskirt that reached mid-thigh, and black boots that went up to her knees. It was really skimpy.

Not that Roy really cared, though. Sure, Drachma was cold and snowy, but the base itself was well ventilated so she could dress however she pleased.

And besides, he'd seen sluttier outfits from some of the women he'd dated, so her outfit didn't bother him.

What **was** bothering him was how brain numbingly stupid this woman seemed to be!

When the henchwoman first came into the room, she'd insisted on staying inside to keep an eye on the prisoner. This level of competence had impressed Roy initially, at least until he realized she going to just stand there and stare at the door. What was even the point, he thought?

Well, whatever. As long as he could escape, that's all that mattered to him at this point.

So, Roy continued carving in the last line on the transmutation circle. Being the Flame Alchemist, he would've preferred using it to melt the metal cufflinks. But with his extra pair of ignition gloves stowed away in his breast pocket, he was forced to use a broken piece of chain dangling right next to him.

Honestly, he couldn't help but smirk; just a few more minutes and he could bust out of here.

Of course, the guard had to choose this moment look at him again, meaning he had to stop. Roy growled. "Is something wrong?"

"No, just making sure you're not doing anything stupid!" she replied.

The Colonel rolled his eyes, honestly how dumb **was** this woman? That is until he noticed her taking a not so subtle peak at him.

She'd been doing that a lot, he realized. Taking quick peaks at him like some girl eyeing a cute boy she saw at a coffee shop.

But why, though? Was she smarter than he thought? No, that wasn't it. If that was true than she would've been keeping an eye on him at all times.

So what is it then? Why did she keep sneaking a peak at him like she was checking him-

Oh…That's what it was.

Realizing that, the Colonel couldn't help but smirk. He should have known. After all, no sane woman could resist the Mustang charm. Perhaps he could take advantage of it. Why not? He was going to need some kind of distraction if he wanted to finish this circle anytime soon.

So with a smirk on his face, he started looking up at her legs. Which admittedly, was the only feature of hers he found attractive.

"You know," he said. "I never noticed this but you've got a great pair of legs."

Surprised, the henchwoman turned to face him with a look of suspicion. "Yeah. So?" she asked.

"Aren't I allowed to have an opinion?"

Her eyes widened. "No, that's not it-"

"So then what's the issue?"

"No-Nothing! Nothing at all!"

The whole time, he could see the blush forming on her cheeks. And that was before she looked away, now her blush was even more noticeable. Roy chuckled; looks like everything was going according to plan.

"Oh, I get it. You're attracted to me, aren't you?"

She whipped her face back to face him. "What!? N-No! That's not it!"

"Oh, come on. I saw the way you were looking at me," he said with a smile. "It's pretty obvious you'd like to have a shot at me…"

The henchwoman placed her arms behind her back and stared at the ground, her cheeks becoming redder by the second. "Well, you are kinda hot," she said.

"You wouldn't be the first woman to say that."

"Oh, yeah…I guess so…"

Roy smiled as he continued staring at the young woman. Phase one was complete; he'd gotten her to admit she liked him. Not that that was hard, or anything.

Now he was ready for the next part of his plan; flattery.

"You're not so bad looking, yourself, you know?"

She looked up at him with wide eyes. "Really?"

"Well, why not?" he asked with a shrug. "You have the most beautiful blonde hair…and with the most intriguing eyes, as well…"

That wasn't a complete lie. Her hair was a nice platinum blonde, it just wasn't the lovely shade of golden blonde that he preferred. But her eyes were intriguing, he thought. Not only were they big and coloured amber, they were also extremely expressive. Probably an indication of her youth, but they reminded him of another woman with expressive amber eyes that struck his fancy.

"Oh stop."

"No, really. You're actually pretty cute, you should be proud of that."

"Thank you…," she said.

Roy smiled when he saw the dreamy look on her face. " _Perfect_ ," he thought. In no time at all, he had her wrapped around his finger. Now he just needed to go in for the kill.

So, he let out a sigh and said "It's too bad I probably won't live much longer." The henchwoman gasped. "And to think, I had a date tonight, too…"

"Oh yeah, that's too bad."

The Colonel was pleased, she actually felt sorry for him. It made him smile.

"Maybe you could be my last kiss?"

A big smile formed on her face. "Really!?" she asked. True, she'd never had much success with men. But now some cute guy was asking her to be his last kiss? It was really intriguing to her. At least for a few seconds. Now she wasn't so sure as she thought over it some more.

"Oh, I don't know…," she said. "I mean…what if you're not good?"

"I highly doubt that. I've been told that I'm a great kisser."

"Really?"

"Do I look like I've never been with a woman, before?"

She shook her head quickly, making him chuckle. She was honestly really cute, it almost made him feel bad for manipulating her the way he was. **Almost**.

As of now, the Colonel had her right where he wanted her. So, he turned his smirk all the way up to lady killer and looked into her eyes.

"So what do you say?"

She took all of twos seconds to think this over before giving him a smirk of her own. "Let's get to it then, Mr. Mustang."

"Whatever you say," he said. "And please, call me Roy."

"Sure thing, Roy."

The henchwoman placed her gun in her holster and walked over to him until they were just a breath away. She then cupped his face in her hands and kissed him passionately. He too closed his eyes and kissed her. Deepening it by slipping his tongue into her mouth and making her moan.

The whole time they were making out, Roy kept one eye open. That way, he could finish etching the last circle line into the metal binding his wrists. Once it was complete Roy eyed his "partner" again, just to make sure she was distracted. She was. So he activated the circle, thankful that she never even noticed the blinding blue light created by the transmutation.

He could hear her sigh on his lips. "You really are a great kisser…"

"Thank you," he said before kissing her again. "You're not so bad yourself…"

Now that his hands were free, Roy decided to have a little fun with this woman. He wrapped one hand around her waist while the other made its way up her neck and cradled her head, somehow knowing she wasn't stupid enough to not notice when someone's hands were on her.

Sure enough, his hunch was correct. When the henchwoman felt a pair of hands on her, she opened her eyes to see Roy out of his handcuffs and smiling at her.

"Huh? What? How did you-"

"Flame Alchemy isn't the only thing I'm versed in, you know."

He pointed towards the small but noticeable transmutation circle he'd etched into the metal handcuffs. Needless to say, this henchman's eyes widened when she saw that.

"So then, that kiss? It was-"

The Colonel gave her an arrogant shrug. "What can I say?" he asked. " You showed me a weakness, and I took advantage of it. All's fair in love and war, right?"

Roy flashed her his trademark smirk, quite pleased with the way he had played this woman for a fiddle.

At least until he saw the look on her face. Not only was she on the verge of tears, she was pouting her lips as well. " _Shit!_ " Roy thought. Seeing that look, he knew he'd be in serious trouble if he didn't act fast.

He was right.

"You…You bastard!" she screamed.

Pulling out her handgun from the holster on her waist, she wasted no time in firing at the Flame Alchemist.

Roy was just as quick, though, dodging the bullet in time. Knowing he had little time to act, he whipped out the extra pair of ignition gloves he kept in his breast pocket. Seriously, how stupid had these people been not to even check there?

Well, he didn't have time to ponder that when she shot another bullet at him. He quickly dodged it, aimed his fingers at her and snapped.

Next thing this woman knew, her hands were on fire and she was screaming. She dropped the gun and fell to her knees, still wincing at the flames on her hands as they dispersed.

"A word of advice; maybe bother to check the extra pockets for weapons next time."

Looking up, the henchwoman came face to face with Roy Mustang, himself. He stood before her, standing tall and boring his obsidian eyes into hers, making her squirm.

Now she knew why her boss told her to watch out for this guy.

Roy pulled her to her feet and dragged her over to the handcuffs. He started putting her into them while she continued wincing in pain.

"Ow! Ow! Ow!"

"Oh, relax. I just burned the skin on your hands. Worse case scenario, you'll just end up with a first degree burn by tomorrow morning."

Sealing the cuffs with the same circle he'd carved into them earlier, he tore off a piece of his waist skirt and tied it around her mouth, gagging her.

"Now, I'm going to escape from here and find my men. You're going to stay here. That way, I won't have anyone tattling on me," Roy said. He smiled sweetly at her and asked "Think you can do that?"

Unable to do anything else, the girl nodded and muffled through the gag. "Mhm."

Roy smirked. "Good."

Suddenly, he could hear the sound of the metal door opening and a familiar voice shouting "Colonel!" Roy smiled, there was no doubt in his mind who was at the door.

Turning around, he came to face his First Lieutenant, Riza Hawkeye. She stood tall, her gun was poised and ready to take out any threat that may have been in the room. But she seemed perplexed, like she hadn't been expecting him to free himself before she got there.

Honestly, Roy couldn't help but chuckle. It was rare seeing her so baffled and dumbfounded, so her reaction was kind of a treat for him.

"Looks like you showed up too late this time, huh, Lieutenant?" he asked.

Not surprisingly, she gave him a genuine smile and placed her gun at her side. "It would appear that way," she replied.

The two then exited the room and made their way down the hallway.

"What's happening?"

"Lieutenant's Havoc and Breda have stormed the southern outpost looking for the Ambassador. Falman and Sergeant Feury chose to stay behind and are trying to keep the peace negotiations from turning sour."

"Have they?" he asked.

"According to Kain, the other Ambassadors are getting restless."

The Colonel sighed; so much for this mission going smoothly.

"Of course they are," he said. "Let's focus on finding our Ambassador, for now. That way, we can get him back to the summit and end this travesty."

"Yeah," Riza agreed. She turned around to face him, only to feel her eyes widened when she saw her superior's face, confusing him.

"Something wrong?"

"Why do you have lipstick on your face?"

"Huh? Oh, sorry," he said. "Didn't notice that was there. Thanks." The Colonel wiped what remained of the lipstick from the side of his mouth, noticing that his Lieutenant was staring angrily at him the whole time. "What?"

"Let me guess; you made out with her, didn't you?" she asked.

"Well, yeah. But only because I needed to distract her long enough so I could get myself free using alchemy."

"Really?" she asked while raising an eyebrow. "You sure you just didn't feel like sticking your dick in her?"

Roy felt his eyes nearly pop out of his skull. He couldn't have heard that right, could he? "Excuse me?" he asked.

"You heard me."

Guess he did. Before Roy could even ask her why she would even ask such a thing, the Lieutenant turned her back to him and began moving forward again.

The Colonel eyed her angrily. " _She's not getting out of it that easy_ ," he thought to himself. Never one to take things lying down, Roy asked "What are you so angry about, now?"

"I'm not angry! Just let it go, Sir."

" _Like hell you aren't_ ," he thought. He'd suspected for awhile that she had a thing for him, and this obvious hint of jealousy was only confirming his suspicions. A small smirk crept onto his face as he kept walking behind his Lieutenant.

"You're jealous, aren't you?"

"Don't be ridiculous!" Riza barked.

Not that Roy minded. If anything, his smirk kept widening with each passing second. "Right," he said. "Well if it helps, she wasn't my type; I don't exactly go for dumb blondes."

"Really? As opposed to all those other brainless bimbos you've slept with?"

Now Roy could feel himself becoming angry, again.

"Oh, right. Like **you** wouldn't want a shot at me!"

The Lieutenant rolled her eyes. "Please," she said. "I'd rather kiss Feury before I kissed you."

"Really? Well, I can arrange that for you if you'd like."

"If your plan is to get me discharged for fraternization, than go ahead."

The Colonel growled and whispered under his breath "Right. Like I totally wouldn't have asked you out by now if it weren't for that stupid-"

"I'm sorry, Colonel," she said. That was surprising to him, but what really caught him off guard was when she turned to face him. "I don't know what came over me."

Honestly, Roy didn't know what to do other than give her a small smile. He may not have liked what she said to him, but he couldn't blame her for being jealous.

"No, it's alright," he said. "Let's go find Havoc and Breda."

She saluted. "Sir!"

So the Colonel and his Lieutenant continued down the hallway, their sights set on finding their friends and getting the hell out of this place.

Still, Roy couldn't help but let out a sigh.

If only he was able to tell her that the whole time he'd been making out with that brainless bimbo, he'd been thinking about making love to her like he always did.

 

The End


End file.
